LOVE WILL TEAR US APART - NERINA PALLOT.

SO HEAVY IN YOUR ARMS - FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

•  When Jacob originally replied to Bella, he'd admittedly let his anger get the best of him, letting words come out that he didn't exactly mean to say, though he didn't exactly regret them, either. At first, he anticipated her to reply with something that would either come to the defense of Edward and the Cullens or her usual plea for him to be kinder and more understanding to the people in her life. To say that he was distraught with the situation was an understatement in every shape of the word. Jacob was feeling an abundance of emotions, ranging from confusion to pure hatred of everything that he - Edward - had put her though prior to this. Eventually, he'd decided that speaking to her was best. With that, he relocated into his bedroom and instantly dialed for Bella's number. There was a few rings, followed by a silence and this is when he assumed she was at a greater loss than he was right now.
• JACOB: "... Bella?" He called out, uncertainty was clear in his voice. Jacob really didn't know what to say. He wasn't keen on these situations or feelings in general but he assumed he could do his best for Bella -- as her friend, though he wasn't exactly treating her like one in these past few months. After clearing his throat, Jacob made an attempt to speak again. "I, um, I'm glad that you answered.."
• BELLA: She couldn't remember the last time she'd talked to Jacob, nor could she blame him for being angry - she didn't blame him for anything really, his annoyance was a distraction regardless of how unpleasant but it seemingly took the edge off.... Until he'd brought Edward up. Did he really not know the Cullens had left? Bella's blood ran cold at the mention, anything she'd felt previous was void; it was just pain now. The crippling reminder that she wasn't good enough, not even just for Edward, but for all of them. The last thing Bella had expected was for her phone to ring, some mentally challenged part of her mind thought for one moment it could be Alice - maybe even Edward but... Jacob's name came up and she was hesitant to answer it, not because she hadn't missed him, simply because there were no words that came to mind. She just wanted to be alone. After a few rings, she held the phone close, finally hearing Jacob's voice for the first time in forever. Even with the uncertainty, it was still Jake... Her emotions were the farthest thing from balanced as she chanced herself to speak. Much like her appearance, her voice was nothing more tha a broken shadow of herself, in this case a whisper. "Hi, Jake." Quiet, hopeless and unable to trust herself to say much more. Jacob sounded so unsure and it was a new concept for Bella to grasp considering he'd always had an almost cocky confidence about himself, though she knew he was much more humble than he let on. Bella's wrapped around her torso after pulling the blanket up against her shoulders as she listened to him, letting her own silence clog up the line for a few moments. "I didn't think you'd call." She whispered weakly, her eyes shutting as she took a breath to steady herself.
• JACOB: There were several things about this conversation that Jacob had trouble grasping. The first being that he and Bella were speaking. He imagined on several occasions what he'd say when she'd come back crawling to him. Or, at least, he pictured she would when the time came and Edward had proven to be just as awful of a caricature that Jacob made him out to be. He expected that she'd finally come to her senses and she's run into his arms and finally tell him that he was her pick, his only pick and that he'd be at his happiest in that moment... yet he wasn't. Just knowing that Bella was in pain, in any way, shape or form, was enough to make Jacob's heart heavy with grief for her. After all she'd been through, he'd successfully made the matter worse. He was snarky, hot-headed and stubborn towards her and now here she was, more hurt than she'd let on before. But even after all of that, there was still... something -- that alone was what mattered. The second concept, of course, was the sound of her voice and how it made him swallow from uneasiness. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Edward held a lot of leverage on her overall well-being and this just proved that even more. Her words didn't sit in the best manner with him, even though they made sense. "I didn't think I would either," he retorted. Jacob's own feelings were being displayed before he reminded himself why he called in the first place. "I'm - I'm sorry that it took so long for me to come around. I thought about it a lot but never had the balls call you.. And a big part of me was hoping you'd miss me and you'd come around too." By now, he knew he was saying too much about his end of a situation that really didn't need to be explained any further than that. It was obvious why he was feeling the way he was and he left it at rest. This was about her after all. "So, like, why didn't you tell me he left?"" He questioned instead of apologizing because the last thing he wanted to do right now was admit that he was out of line.
• BELLA: It was selfish but a lot of the time, Bella didn’t truthfully even notice she was ignoring the outside world, Edward /had/ been her world and without him life came crashing down. There was no Alice, no more Cullens and she was left alone. Their entire family had finally made her feel like she’d actually belonged somewhere, but like she’d always expected, it wouldn’t last, she wasn’t good enough and he’d caught onto that. Bella pulled her blankets closer as she listened to the harboured silence and eventually spoken words. She wanted to say she was glad Jacob had called but she couldn’t muster it. She didn’t want anyone to see her, or even talk to her really, she was so disconnected from it all but there was a little part of her that wanted this, even though it was impossibly minuscule. she didn’t deserve Jacob in her life but she also wasn’t thinking logically. “I do miss you.” Well, she couldn’t just ignore that part, not when he laid it all out on the line. There was a small breath on her end as Bella curled her arm up against her chest trying to formulate some string of words that didn’t make her seem like such a broken person, let alone nearly comatose. “You have nothing to apologize for,” Which was also true, Jacob was her friend and she’d completely forgotten about him after Edward left. Her mind was a one track thing constantly bringing up the past and how much she needed him, how much he didn’t want her. Why would anything else? The next question however caused a few tears to form, one slipping out to drop down on her pillow, followed by another as she tried to formulate an excuse. “I thought you knew. I thought everyone knew.” She was shaky and not even sure he’d heard all of that but she couldn’t bring herself to repeat it. How could he not know though? Her entire school was talking about it, about how Bella shut down, how pathetic Bella was, how silly she was, even how heart breaking it was to see her so hung up on puppy love but she couldn’t bring herself to scare. Some people, like Mike, were actually concerned and they’d tried hard at first to bring her back but she was unresponsive.

BRICK BY BORING BRICK - PARAMORE.

HAPPY ENDING - MIKA.

EMAIL TO ALICE CULLEN.

• TO: acullen@gmail.com
• FROM: mythmagnet@gmail.com
• DATE: January 28th, 2012. 3:41am.

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